As a totally unintended consequence of my last post, someone actually bought me paid time which is (a) totally, unbelievably sweet and (b) something I really, really appreciate. So, dear sweet anon, thank you so much. ♥
Incidentally, right as a posted about the second job I ended up having to quit. It was something that was impacting me in such a way that I was having panic attacks constantly and throwing up whenever I had to go in. It took me a long time to come to that decision, but I've decided that it was ultimately the correct one. I'm going to take the time I now have to start swimming again, do some volunteer work in a field I'm actually invested in, and maybe find some venue in which to do music.
At some point, a post not about nitty-gritty life details will be forthcoming. Today is not that day.
I took a risk when it would have been so easy to fall back into habits. I took two, really, even though I knew one might be disastrous and one might (might still) backfire. But I did it because I'm tired of being a coward with one foot in depression and the other one dragging, barely moving.
And you know? There's something - I'm fucked up, I know it, I'm so fucked up and feel things too strong, every nudge, every tap is a personal affront and I have an anxiety attack at least twice a week.
But I can feel in a way I'm not sure other people always can, and I can love someone so easily, just delight in their presence and it isn't romantic or anything like that, but sometimes just reading what someone writes, or listening to what someone says, brings me to tears. Because people can be so, so strong - wonderful, beautiful, powerful, brave. Because sometimes it's an honor just knowing you, just belonging to the same species as you, just breathing the same air as you.
GUYS I AM UP AT 6:30 AM READING THE P4 KINKMEME AND HAVE YOSUKE!WHUMP!FEELINGS ALL OVER THE PLACE AND WRITING A MILLION DIFFERENT FANFICS WHEN I HAVE TO WORK TOMORROW AND AM ALSO REALLY REALLY TIRED AND I JUST.
SOUJI-YU-MC/YOUSUKE ALL THE TIME AND FOREVER FFFFF.
So in a completely unsurprising twist of fate I caved and got a tumblr
and right now I am going around adding pretty much everyone from LJ because that is how I roll. Hopefully I will be able to be a more active individual since Tumblr requires less long, rambling text posts. Or maybe I will still only post occasionally who knows
but everyone should tell me who they are over there so I can add them.
After five unsuccessful interviews I am now a proud employee of Barnes & Nobel, which is the biggest bookstore in the U.S. -- at least I think it is. I go in Monday for scheduling and paperwork. Guys my life is great and I love everything.
In a fit of EXTREME IMPULSIVENESS I signed up for the Homestuck Shipping Olympics @ hs_olympics
MULTIMEDIA EXTRAVAGANZA that is Homestuck does weird things to my heart. Anyway
, I'm here asking you all to join in! My team (Karkat♥Terezi) and some others are already all filled up, but there are still a bunch of awesome teams open.
Signups are HERE
ALSO I MIGHT HAVE A JOB. I had my second interview with Barnes & Noble today, but I think they're hiring two positions, and while I know there are some other candidates I am hoping because I want this so badly. SO BADLY.
Also did my first flip turn in swimming yesterday, went to a demolition derby today
because I am the classiest
, and bought an iphone on Thursday. Hopefully things keep going well!
Guys I have the best friends, and Sunday evening marked the end of 10 days of pretty intense socializing with awesome people like aeirol
, and another completely awesome lady who has an LJ but has yet to use it/share what that name is. Suffice to say, she's awesome.
Some super cool things I've been up to recently:
- Beat Assassin's Creed II on the PC (I'm saving up for a PS3 so I can play Brotherhood on that rather than forcing my poor computer to try to run a game that it's really not set up to run).
- Saw my ladybro Nina beat the tank mission with full synch in AC: Brotherhood
STFU it counts as awesome
- Had Nina & Kelli read aloud to me a pretty awful sci-fi/fantasy romance novel which was a hodgepodge of narrative issues, bad writing, shitty plot contrivances, and, er, rape.
- And we've decided to write our own short stories in the same vein.
- Got into Fringe so hard. (And started shipping Peter/Olivia like it is my job).
- Finished watching the first season of New Who. Feelings for this show. I have them. Especially for Nine. And Rose. I loved Rose so much and I was expecting to hate her.
- Watched a million Disney movies they are the best.
- Fallen for Homestuck real hard after so much reluctance. I'm on Act 5 part 2 right now and I love pretty much everyone expect Equius because he is a complete fucking creep.
So yeah. I plan to start commenting again (sorry I've sucked lately), work through the 2008 Prince of Persia game, read those Cinda Williams Chima books I am always hearing about, catch up on Game of Thrones
and (hopefully) find a job.
I am so exciting. I know. So what's been up with you all?
I just finished Sarah Rees Brennan's The Demon's Surrender
. It is the final book in her Demon's Lexicon
trilogy and, honestly? There are some issues.
I'm not a die-hard SJer, and god knows I like some really problematic media. There's nothing wrong
with liking problematic media, but there is something wrong with not acknowledging your media is problematic, and I haven't seen anyone say anything about TDS. To be fair, it just recently came out, so maybe some more commentary will pop up later, but, well, I guess I should have a go at it now. Of note: spoilers, pretty much left and right.( Sin and Mae and implicit colonialismCollapse )
I'll be frank: from a narrative perspective I loved Sin and I disliked Mae. Sin was flawed and wonderful and I don't mind my characters with weaknesses at all, but after a point it went from "reasonable weakness" to outright "parody of a strong character." In contrast, Mae is presented as perfect. I cannot recall one time in the text where her actions and thoughts are presented as wrong or flawed in any way. That's already annoying in a character, but when that character is rich and white and her strengths are contrasted against the flaws of poor, non-white woman, well, then there's an issue.
Additionally, I took issue with the portrayal of gay characters in the novel. Actually, I took issue with the portrayal of gay characters in the entire series.( Jamie, Seb, and voiceless lesbiansCollapse )
Indeed, there were other things in the narrative that I just personally disliked; for instance, I despised Nick/Mae and was irritated to see it validated at all, and it was validated in such a way that I found both out of character and excessive. I found the whole quest for the black pearl pretty convoluted and out of nowhere (the pearl itself smacked of the bad kind of deus ex machina
for justifying Nick/Mae). I admit that I just didn't like the book very much (which is a shame, because I loved the first one) but I also think these issues bear thinking about outside of my personal dislike.
I know I might have lost some friends with this, and I'm open for debate, but ... there it is.
There's been a (deserved) uproar about a certain article
In short: this article is bunk. Even ompletely ignoring the cute sexism in the "recommended reading" list, it's uninformed, it's poorly written, and it is completely out of touch with reality.
Sure, I'm not a teen anymore, but I'm only 22, and I can easily remember when I was. I remember the financial difficulties my family went through. I remember struggling with my sexuality. I remember writing reams and reams of paper about how I wanted to kill myself. Being a teen was tough, and I was pretty privileged: white, middle class, nice suburban neighborhood. That sort of thing.
And it wasn't just me. Nearly every single person I know had dealt with some variety of this as a teen. I can only name one or two of my friends who weren't abused or raped or harassed, who didn't deal with eating disorders or drugs or self harm, who didn't feel suicidal, who weren't confronted with racism or homophobia or sexism, who didn't come from a broken family, who weren't bullied at school, who didn't spend a lot of time being scared and hurt and unsure. Everyone had to deal with stuff like this, and no, I didn't come from a bad part of town. My friends were all smart, reasonably well-off, and occupied that trendy-nerdy space in high school. Most of us did either sports or music as an extracurricular. Some of us did both. All of us went to college, and nearly all of us graduated. And we still went through this stuff.
And this isn't a recent thing either, you know. There isn't this sudden decline in teen morality – there's just more exposure than there used to be. I have cousins that went through the same mess of things, and some of them are nearly 14 years older than I am. I know adults who had similar issues. The big difference now is that people are talking about, that the stigma that forced people into silence is, if not gone, at least being fought against – and YA is responsible for a lot of that. Because ignoring it isn't going to make things better, but talking about it might.
YA is especially important to me. I read YA when I was about 10 and discovered Tamora Pierce and for the first time I really sat down and realized that I was worth something even though I was a girl
. That I could be as good as the boys around me. That I could be anything
After that, I stopped with YA. I was a very good reader as a child and focused mostly on adult sci-fi/fantasy. I didn't really pick up another YA book until I was 20. It was Sarah Rees Brennan's The Demon's Lexicon
and it helped me rediscover a love of reading.
You see, I majored in English literature and I went through a stage where I only read “real” literature, and then I didn't read much literature at all other than what I was required to, because I can only read so many slice-of-life books about self-discovery (which is what a lot of “high lit” is). The Demon's Lexicon
made me remember when reading was fun; it made me remember when reading made me feel more alive
. It helped me through my grueling college courses, and, on days when I veered towards self-harm and suicide, it kept me distracted – it kept me safe. YA has done worlds for me.
I've consumed a good amount of YA fiction since then. Some of it is dark, some of it borders on brutal (which is hardly a bad thing and is extremely necessary), but the whole of YA cannot be summed up in merely one word, in the same way you can't dismiss all sci-fi or mystery or “literature” or whatever. There are fluffy romances and gritty war stories and magical worlds and all types of genres, all of them necessary and wonderful and valuable. And, really, YA has some of the best role models you could ever want, both within the pages of the books, and without. The Hunger Games
's Katniss Everdeen has a level of strength and empathy that everyone should aspire to, and Cassandra Clare's Tessa Gray is ten kinds of amazing. I wish I could be Lisa Mantchev's Bertie, and, although not strictly YA, Rick Riordan's Annabeth Chase will forever be pretty much my favorite character ever. And outside of the books, well, there are so many intelligent women (and men) to look up to – I think the world of Cassandra Clare and Holly Black and Tamora Pierce and so many others. Furthermore, I do not honestly think there could be a better role model that Maureen Johnson, with all of the charity work and honest talk she brings even to something a ephemeral as twitter.
I want to work with YA now. I want to publish or write or edit or do something, as long as it involves YA, because I know YA saves. And if I can save even one life, help even one person, then that's good enough. Because I want to make a difference, and YA makes a difference to the people who need it most.
This post has been kicking around in my head for quite awhile. See, I really love Supernatural
. It’s far from my favorite show, or what I consider to be a quality piece of work, or a deep, multifaceted show, but it’s consistently mediocre and hits a lot of the buttons that need to be hit in order to keep me coming back for more. Yeah, Supernatural
is horrible in a lot of ways; the women and black folk are consistently killed off, women who do show up are often objectified, and their track record with queer people is teeth-achingly awful. I don’t think you can avoid how horribly Supernatural
treats minorities – I certainly don’t. But I enjoy the show anyway. And I guess this is my attempt to sort out why
I like this show so much.( SIX REASONSCollapse )
This isn’t a defense of Supernatural
. It, frankly, isn’t all the defensible. There are things it does well, and things it does horribly. It’s not as bad in the social justice arena as certain other shows, but it’s hardly good. I just – I find something immensely enjoyable about Supernatural
. Cool story, right?
This is probably not news to some people, but in older typography, the "s" was often made in something of and "f" shape. For one of my classes (American Lit. before 1900) I have to write a paper on a newspaper from the Revolutionary War Era, when the "s" as an "f" fad was really in.
Yeah, I can't stop reading the paper in a lisp.
For Heaven's fake, avail yourfelf of the precious moment; put an end to the delufion, exert the voice of a brave, virtuous citizen, and tell the people at home that they muft immediately refind all their impolitic, inquitous, tyrannical, muderous acts; that the muft overtun the whole frantic fyftem, or that they are undone.
It makes this project both infinitely more amusing, and infinitely more difficult.
AND I just realized I haven't posted in over a month oops. Basically I'm in school, I'm playing my way through Pokemon Yellow, and I am super tired all the time.
So, first, a pimp, because igrab
made a community that pretty much sounds like the most awesome thing ever. So:
mythologeez: a relaxed mythology fan community!
Second, a plea. I'm working on making a mix CD jointly about fairytales and werewolves. I want to push myself to both draw the cover art and design the cover and back cover, kind of as a prequel to my senior project. I have a few songs thus far, but I was wondering if anyone else had any suggestions? I'm looking for music that's more subtle/thematic than "I'm a werewolf rawr" or "la la la I'm living a fairytale". Preferably songs that aren't really metal or poppy, with female vocalists preferred. Yes. I am picky. Anyway, what I've come up with thus far: ( list o' stuffCollapse )
There've been things I've been wanting to post about (specifically Merlin
) but I'm at the point where I'm like "oh my god I don't want to say a bunch of stupid stuff about fandoms no one wants to hear about and some people on my flist aren't even in
fandom what if I'm boring them oh my gosh I need to impress my flist they're all so cool what am I going to do
!?" I need to get over this and just fucking write, but hey! Problems!
At any rate, working on getting a layout community up and running. I'm redoing my old layout over at my text journal (catchirps
). It's still a WIP but I think it looks significantly less hideous than it used to. If you want to check back periodically that will be where the new stuff's going to be made. I'm
not too great
desperately slow at this stuff, and after I finish that layout, I want to code another one for the community I'm making, but IDK when I'll have the drive to finish it all.
So, for my feminism & fairytales class (which is incidentally also about pop culture, which is why
this is relevant) I designed trading cards for various female characters and I think they're pretty cool, so I'm going to inflict them on everyone. These certainly aren't all the female characters I could think of, but they were the ones who I could find images of/remember quotes for/cast characters for/&c., and I think I might actually want to keep making these for every awesome lady I come up with. The text looks a little wonky resized and in jpg format, so if anyone wants to see the originals, I'll do my best to upload them. At any rate!
ALSO here lie spoilers, especially for Battlestar Galactica. If you see a character you don't want to be spoiled for, don't read the text.( Image heavy! Also lady-heavy, but that is a good thing!Collapse )
ALSOOO SPN made me so happy and I can't seem to go to sleep hahaha I've only slept one night out of like, the past week even though I've taken long naps during the day. Only one research paper, and one portfolio left to doooo~!
It is That Time Of Year, wherein have my flist (i.e. those in university) comes alive with lists and lists and lists of impossible end-semester projects. In honor of this, I have decided to make my own list, wherein I might cross things off
if when I get them done. So: Seminar Paper: Dickinson & Sappho
PAGE CT: 15-25
DUE: Dec. 13 @ 3:00p
Philosophy Of Langage Oral Exam
PREP: 2 questions; 5 mins. ea. + questions
DUE: Dec. 15 @ 10:20a
Strong Female Character Trading Cards
DUE: Dec. 16 @ 4:00p
Feminism & Fairytales Portfolio
PAGE CT: 29
DUE: Dec. 16 @ 4:00p
Philosophy Of Language Final Exam
PAGE CT: 2-3
DUE: Dec. 16 @ 11:59p
REVISE: 9 plays
DUE: Dec 20 @ 4:00p
Research Paper: Hilary Putnam & The Division of Linguistic Labor
PAGE CT: 12-15
DUE: Dec 20 @ 8:00
Playwriting: Final Play
PAGE CT: 40-60 [or] RUNTIME: 1hr
DUE: Dec 20 @ 4:00p
... I also kinda just wanted to whine. So. /Whines.
So I coded one; I'm actually pretty pleased with how well it came out; I learned how to do rounded corners (not difficult at all, though they don't show up in IE) and did this much faster than I did my first layout (four days as opposed to two weeks) and so, with great pride I pimp out a layout I coded from scratch.spiderstars spiderstars spiderstars spiderstars spiderstars
I'm glad to be back to Smooth Sailing; Flexible Squares, while aesthetically pleasing, doesn't to a lot for me functionally. Anyway, all that's left is to find a quote I really want to put at the top!
Also, as I'm looking into maybe starting a layout-making community and, because I'm interested, I was wondering if you guys could fill out a quick poll for me.
What browser do you use most often?
Do you use the LJ navstrip?
What is your screen resolution?
Also everyone, if you have not yet seen Tangled
you need to go see it. It was the best thing ever, and definitely my new favorite Disney movie. I. Just. There were so many wonderful things about. Just. Go see it!
Fairytales are transformative, some more literally than others. In fairytales, heroines are turned into logs and frogs and swans and tigers, are sewn into clothes made of leather and donkey and cat; they are mature emotionally and sexually and physically; they are transformed by love. Fairytales are all about transformation.( Retellings and transformationsCollapse )
I am usurping a discussion that is supposed to be about Freeway
to continue with my sexy werewolves motif instead, mostly because I, completely by accident, ended up reading a book that corresponded with The Company Of Wolves
so perfectly and it’s pretty much all I can think of right now so, here is A Short Treatise On Sex & Women & Werewolves
I picked up Justine Larbalestier’s Liar
because it was about a nonwhite protagonist. It is a work of YA fiction, and it usually shelved far away from the fantasy section. It is about Micah, who is a normal high school girl, a good runner, and a compulsive liar.( Spoilers for Liar ahoyCollapse )
In the perennial debate of, “Which is sexier, vampires or werewolves?” I come down solidly on the werewolf end of the spectrum, at least partly due to the fact that they have a pulse and most of the vampires in pop culture are terrifying stalkers. But that aside, I do think there’s something really alluring about the idea of werewolves, and I think The Company Of Wolves
makes good use of that allure.( With some caveats of courseCollapse )
Catherine Breillat's Bluebeard is a study, among other things, in mystifying symbology combined with even more baffling cinematography. In short, from a purely aesthetic perspective, I didn't like it that much.
The film follows two narratives: that of Marie-Catherine, the wife of Bluebeard, and that of Marie-Anne and Catherine, two little girls who are reading the Bluebeard story. The two stories are interlinked, both by the metatextual nature of Marie-Anne & Catherine's reading of the Bluebeard story, but also by the similarity in names between the two sets of sisters (Marie-Catherine has a sister named Anne), as well as the similarity in the discussion of sisterly competition between the two sets of sisters. I think Breillat's intention in doing this was to make some sort of implication about the way in which fairytales can affect the real world (indeed, Marie-Anne ends up dying, due in part to the Bluebeard story) but she doesn't make it very well. The two real-world sisters very rarely interact directly with the tale; indeed, their conversations about the book often have very little to do with the book itself. Nor do the sisters in the real world do much to place themselves in the context of the story. Catherine does this once, where she plays the part of Marie-Catherine discovering the bodies of Bluebeard's wives in the story, but this placement makes little sense to me as it is totally unprecedented, and is also more than a little confusing as to what exactly is going on.
That said, nothing tops the absolutely awful shooting in the actual Bluebeard storyline. At one point, Bluebeard is sitting down while Marie-Catherine is standing up, looking down at him while she talks. Except, with the positions they are both in and the angle Marie-Catherine's gaze is at, she wouldn't be meeting his eyes, or even seeing him.
There's actually a huge problem with people actually looking at each other, or reacting to each other appropriately in space. Marie-Catherine and Bluebeard often have whole exchanges where they are glancing at each other, but their bodies are facing toward the camera. While I understand that this could be an intentional decision meant to underlie the fact that these are characters in the story who are aware that they are in the story, the fact that there is absolutely no implication that these characters have that kind of meta-awareness implies that it's just really strange directing, rather than an actual statement.
Actually, I'm really confused about the point of the entire film, and what the purpose of the dual narrative was. I think Breillat had some interesting ideas, but on the whole these ideas were executed extremely poorly. Honestly, if I had directed the movie (and I know that seems like such an arrogant thing to say) I think I'd have chosen to have the Bluebeard narrative bookended by the metanarrative of the two younger girls, and would have the Bluebeard narrative structured to be more obviously an act put on in the minds of the two girls (thus explaining the anachronistic costumes and various other anachronisms) and such. As the film was structured it didn't make much in the way of sense, and I'm curious why the Bluebeard narrative denoted both the beginning and the end of the play, as if it were the more real story.